first degree

You wake up. Your head hurts something awful. [[Where am I?]] [[Who am I?]]

//Where am I?// You are in a room. It is opulent, almost nauseatingly so. Perhaps a better word would be ostentatious. Or maybe even garish. Gaudy? Whatever word you choose, the truth remains the same. It is not suited to your tastes. Being here is honestly making you feel a bit sick. You are out of place, to say the least. [[Who am I?]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Who am I?")'s length >= 1)[[Look around.]]

//Who am I?// Your name is Antonio Caraballo. You are thirty-four years old and divorced. You like board games but have no one to play them with. Pretending you don’t know even this much is going a little far, in my opinion. [[Where am I?]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Where am I?")'s length >= 1)[[Look around.]]

//Look around.// Well, you should probably get out of bed, first. [[Stay in bed.]] [[Get up.]]

//Stay in bed. Again.// You still don’t move. It’s even more boring than the first time you decided to do this. There still aren’t even any good jokes. [[Stay in bed yet again.]] [[Get up.]]

//Stay in bed.// You don’t move. It’s really boring. There aren’t even any good jokes or anything. [[Stay in bed. Again.]] [[Get up.]]

//Get up.// You get up. For some reason, your body is sore, but it’s not a particularly localized feeling. You ache all over, like you’ve been put through a tumble dry cycle. [[What now?]]

//Stay in bed yet again.// Go fuck yourself. Seriously. [[Finally get up.]]

//Finally get up.// You haul your lazy ass to your feet. For some reason, your body is sore, but it’s not a particularly localized feeling. You ache all over, like you’ve been put through a tumble dry cycle. This sensation was perhaps worsened by your insistence on staying in bed. The bed was, despite its opulence, extremely uncomfortable. Great work, dipshit. [[What now?]]

//What now?// What kind of question is that? You got up for a reason. (if:(history: where its name contains "Finally get up.")'s length >= 1)[Don’t tell me… Do you not remember? Dear boy, this is not that far down the path. There is much that still awaits you. ]Tell me. Why did you get up? [[I don’t know.]] [[I’m trying to get out of here.]] [[Um... I think I was supposed to be looking around.]]

//I don’t know.// You are stupid. Try again. [[I’m trying to get out of here.]] [[Um... I think I was supposed to be looking around.]]

//I'm trying to get out of here.// How do you know that this is a place you must escape? Think, boy. Try again. [[Don’t call me boy.]] [[I don’t know.]] [[Um... I think I was supposed to be looking around.]]

//I was supposed to be looking around.// Yes, that’s right. Good work, $Name. [[Wait. I don’t like that name.]] [[Thanks. So do I just start looking around, or…?]] (set: $Clues to 0)

//Don’t call me boy.// Okay, Mister High and Mighty. What else do you want me to call you? [[Why don’t you call me by my name?]] [[A cool nickname.]] [[Something sexy.]]

//Why don’t you call me by my name?// Very well, Antonio. If that’s what you want. If you’re sure. [[Wait. I changed my mind.]] [[Antonio is fine.]]

//A cool nickname.// Like what? [[Toño.]] [[Optimus Prime.]] [[Jagger.]] [[All these options suck ass.]]

//Something sexy.// For the love of God. Like what, pray tell? Should I take to calling you hotcock? [[I mean…]] [[No!]]

//Toño.// Hmm, yes. I like that. I hearby christen thee Toño. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock")-type $Name to "Toño")

//Optimus Prime.// We don’t have the rights for that. Try again. [[Toño.]] [[Jagger.]] [[All these options suck ass.]]

//Jagger.// Go fuck yourself I am so serious. You know what? You’ve lost the right to a nickname. Idiot boy. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "boy")

//Wait. I changed my mind.// Fine. What do you want, then? [[A cool nickname.]] [[Something sexy.]]

//Antonio is fine.// So it shall it be. Can we move on? [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "Antonio")

//I mean…// I’m not calling you hotcock. That was what is commonly referred to as a “joke”. Get back to what you were supposed to be doing, boy. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "boy")

//No!// A reasonable response, for once. What else should I call you, then? [[Something sexy that isn’t hotcock.]] [[A cool nickname.]] [[Why don’t you call me by my name?]]

//Something sexy that isn’t hotcock.// Fine. Pick something. You get only one chance. [[Casanova.]] [[Stud.]] [[Hotcock.]] [[All these options suck ass.]]

//All these options suck ass.// Fuck off. You get nothing, then. Foolish boy. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "boy")

//Casanova.// Hmm, no. I know I suggested it but I kind of hate it. Apologies. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "Antonio")

//Stud.// …If you insist. Stud. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "Stud")

//Hotcock.// After all that kit and caboodle, you choose goddamn hotcock. You, sir, are a bastard, and you will have to live with the consequences of your actions. [[I was supposed to be looking around.]] (set: (p-either:"Antonio","Toño","Stud","Hotcock","boy")-type $Name to "Hotcock")

//Um... I think I was supposed to be looking around.// You //think//? Have a little faith in yourself, boy! [[Don’t call me boy.]] [[Why don’t you call me by my name?]]

//Wait. I don’t like that name.// Too bad! [[Take a look around.]]

//Thanks. So do I just start looking around, or…?// Or what? Just do it. [[Take a look around.]]

//Take a look around.// Putting on your metaphorical deerstalker, you begin to snoop. The room is, upon closer inspection, just as opulent as it initially seemed. You wouldn’t know what these materials are, exactly, but you know quality when you see it. Despite the discomfort you felt upon waking, the bed is not, in fact, dogshit. It’s downright luxurious. It’s just soft as a jumbo marshmellow, which is terrible for your spine. Its pillows are filled with down. The sheets are ultra-soft Egyptian super cotton, or whatever that shit is called. You can’t remember. [[Look at the desk.]] [[Look at the dresser.]]

//Look at the desk.// The desk is covered with paperwork that is unfamiliar to you. They look to be forms of some kind, filled out in a language you can’t read. [[Well, actually, I can read it.]] [[Is there anything else on the desk?]]

//Look at the dresser.// The dresser is made of a dark, shiny wood. It is far taller than you are. It has a complicated, almost mesmerizing pattern carved along its edges. For some reason, it makes your head hurt, right in the center of your parietal bone. [[My what?]] [[Open the dresser.]]

//Well, actually, I can read it.// No you can’t. Lying is a sin, $Name. [[Is there anything else on the desk?]]

//Is there anything else on the desk?// Why are you asking me? You’re the one standing there like a dipshit. What do you see? [[A book.]] [[A clock.]] [[A... DEAD BODY?!]] [[Look at the dresser.]] (if:$Clues is 2)[[Hold on.]]

//A book.// The book seems to be someone’s personal diary. There is a lock on it. [[Open it.]] [[Is there anything else on the desk?]]

//A clock.// The clock is ornate in a kind of obnoxious way, much like the rest of the room. It looks like it weighs a lot. You wonder if it’s heavy enough to break a foot it’s dropped on, or perhaps bludgeon someone to death. [[…Is it?]] [[Is there anything else on the desk?]]

//A... DEAD BODY?!// No there isn’t. Don’t just make things up. [[Is there anything else on the desk?]]

//Open it.// I just told you it’s locked. Pay attention. [[Is there anything else on the desk?]]

//…Is it?// Why would I know that? [[C’mon, between you and me.]]

//C’mon, between you and me.// Just between us…? Very well, $Name. It is. On both counts. You already know this, though. [[Is there anything else on the desk?]] (set: $Clues to it + 1)

//Hold on.// You suddenly realize your bladder is nearly full to bursting. [[Pee.]] [[Look for the bathroom.]]

//My what?// You know what a parietal bone is, $Name. You are a doctor. [[Oh, cool.]] [[Open the dresser.]] (set:$Doctor to true)

//Open the dresser.// You cannot open the dresser. It is locked. [[Why is it locked?]] [[Kick it.]]

//Oh, cool.// Save the self-congratulation for another time, Doctor. There are more pressing matters. [[Open the dresser.]]

//Why is it locked?// Someone locked it. [[Who?]]

//Kick it.// You kick it. It’s denser than you were expecting. A loud thump emanates from inside, but it’s not clear what could cause such a sound. It, surprisingly enough, does not magically open. You need a key. [[Why is it locked?]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Who?")'s length >= 1)[[Give up on the dresser.]]

//Who?// You know who. Don’t play coy with me. [[Kick it.]] [[Give up on the dresser.]] (set: $Clues to it + 1)

//Give up on the dresser.// A wise choice. There is no getting into such a well-made piece of furniture without its designated key. [[Look at the desk.]] (if:$Clues is 2)[[Hold on.]]

//Pee.// Not here. [[Pee!]] [[Look for the bathroom.]]

//Look for the bathroom.// You look for the bathroom. It takes about 4.7 seconds, because you already knew where it was. [[Enter the bathroom.]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Look for the bathroom. Reluctantly.")'s length >= 1)[[Continue being a pissbaby.]]

//Pee!// Not here! [[C’mon, let me pee!]] [[Look for the bathroom.]]

//C’mon, let me pee!// No!!! You are being an infant, $Name. Go to the bathroom like a big boy. [[Look for the bathroom. Reluctantly.]] [[Look for the bathroom.]]

//Look for the bathroom. Reluctantly.// Oh, grow up. Just for that… You stub your toe. It hurts so badly you cry about it like a little baby. [[Look for the bathroom.]]

//Enter the bathroom.// You enter the bathroom. It smells funny in here. [[Funny how?]] [[Who cares.]]

//Continue being a pissbaby.// You stub yet another toe. It’s the same toe you stubbed earlier but on the opposite foot. Bitch. [[Enter the bathroom.]]

//Funny how?// Sterile. Like bleach. Like a //lot// of bleach. It’s actually making you dizzy to be in here. The fumes are going to your head. [[Abscond.]] [[Use the toilet anyway.]]

//Who cares.// You do. I promise you do. [[Funny how?]]

//Abscond.// No. I’m not letting you piss yourself. [[Use the toilet anyway.]]

//Use the toilet anyway.// Good boy. … ... [[>]]

//>// … … ... [[>>]]

//>>// ... Damn, how long have you been holding that? … [[>>>]]

//>>>// … ... Aright. Wash your hands, bozo. [[But I don’t want to.]] [[Wash your hands.]]

//Wash your hands.// You wash your hands for much longer than the average person bothers to wash their hands. You do it clinically, professionally. You need not count the seconds to know how long it’s been. (if:$Doctor is true)[It’s an important part of your job, after all. You have a lot of practice.] [[Now what?]]

//But I don’t want to.// Lying is a sin. It’s not like you can get away with it, anyway. Not with me. [[Wash your hands.]]

//Now what?// Now what, he asks… I’m not in charge, here. We wouldn’t be in this situation if that were the case. You, $Name, are the one at the helm. What do you want to do? [[I don’t know, man.]] [[I just don’t know.]] [[Will you tell me why I’m here?]]

//I don’t know, man.// That’s sad. You’re a sad man, $Name. [[I just don’t know.]] [[Will you tell me why I’m here?]]

//I just don’t know.// Maybe it’s time you were honest with yourself. [[I don’t know, man.]] [[Will you tell me why I’m here?]]

//Will you tell me why I’m here?// Will you let me? [[What do you mean?]]

//What do you mean?// You know what I mean. $Name, you already know //all// of this. Can you admit that to yourself? [[Yes.]] [[I can’t.]]

//Yes.// Full disclosure, $Name, I don’t think you’re really ready for this. But fine. Who am I to stop you? I don’t hold any power here. [[Who are you, even?]] [[I…]]

//I can’t.// Very well. (text-style:"bold","expand")[(text-colour:red)[GAME OVER]] [[RESTART]]

//Who are you, even?// Jiminy fucking Cricket. [[I…]]

//I…// You… are Antonio Caraballo. I’ve been calling you $Name for one reason or another. You are thirty-four years old and divorced. You like board games but have no one to play them with. (if:$Doctor is true)[You are a medical doctor. You work at a large hospital in Dallas, Texas in the emergency room.] [[There’s a reason I have no one to play with.]]

//There’s a reason I have no one to play with.// Yes. There is. You know what it is, too, and it’s about time we stopped this charade. If you don’t leave soon, your goose is cooked. [[Wait, what? My goose? Why?]] [[…Margaret.]]

//Wait, what? My goose? Why?// It’s a figure of speech. The police are probably already on their way, $Name. [[…Margaret.]]

//...Margaret.// Margaret. She didn’t deserve that, did she? [[She had it coming.]] [[You’re right. She didn’t.]]

//She had it coming.// How many times must I tell you that lying is a sin? [[You’re right. She didn’t.]]

//You’re right. She didn’t.// She didn’t. Your divorce was amicable, was it not? She was a kind woman, even to someone like you, even when you were not kind to her. Why, $Name? [[I don’t know. I just got so angry…]]

//I don’t know. I just got so angry…// A pathetic excuse from a pathetic man. You can’t even own up to it. [[I didn’t…]]

//I didn’t…// You did. Face it head on. [[Oh, God, the dresser.]]

//Oh, God, the dresser.// Yes. What’s inside it? [[I don’t know...]] [[It’s…]]

//I don’t know…// Liar. We don’t have time for this. You’ve already spent far too much time fucking around. [[It’s…]]

//It’s…// Honestly, I’m getting tired of the bullshit. You are too old to be playing coy. Let’s just state it outright: there is a— [(font:'Courier New')[The door bursts open, deceptively thin wood shattering and scattering shards across the crimson carpet. “Hands where we can see them!” The voice is loud, unnaturally so, and it echoes in the gaudy hotel room.]] Ah, it is too late, $Name. Enjoy prison. [[But I don’t want to go to prison!!]]

//But I don’t want to go to prison!!// Well, maybe you should’ve thought of that before you grabbed that clock. Good bye, Doctor. May you rot in hell. (text-style:"bold","expand")[(text-colour:red)[GAME END. THANKS FOR PLAYING!]] [[RESTART]]